Notes from the Edge of Life

E-mailed to me by "DS". You may have seen this too. I think some of them are pretty funny...


Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of
shut. Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

15 reasons it's good to be a woman

This was sent to me by "BK" (a woman). It's one of those forwarded e-mail things, but there are a few here that made me laugh...


1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don 't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all our problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Joke for a Monday morning

Warning: This one is NOT for all-ages. If you're easily offended, don't read on. Contributed by "DS"...


Ted buys a Harley. The seller tells him, "whenever it looks like it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome so it won't rust." And he hands Ted a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents. So they take the bike, but just before they go in to her parents' house, she says: "I have to tell you, when we eat, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"Okay", he says.

Sure enough, after they sit down, no one says a word. As dinner goes on, Ted decides to test the situation, so he reaches over and grabs his girlfriend's chest. Nobody says a word. So he stands up, rips her clothes off, and has his way with her right there, in front of her parents. But no one says a word. So he grabs the mom, and does the same to her, then sits down. But still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Ted remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket and stands up.

The father shouts: "Alright, already, alright! I'll do the dishes!"

Sex at 82

Thanks to "AH" for sending me this...